To observe without diagnosing or coaching, write what you saw, when you saw it, and what came after, in plain words. Leave out labels (“that’s anxiety”) and instructions (“she needs to sleep earlier”). A good observation line is one that someone else, including a clinician, could check against their own view. A diagnosis or coaching line asks them to accept your conclusion instead.
This page is for caregivers, partners, adult children, and people watching their own patterns. You want to write things down because it helps. You also do not want your notes to turn into a verdict on someone you love, or into a list of orders. The two slides are easy to make, and they happen one word at a time.
Why the slide happens
Most people do not set out to diagnose. They set out to be helpful. Then a note that started as “didn’t eat much at dinner” becomes “appetite loss — probably depression” by the third week, because a label feels like progress. Or it becomes “needs to eat more protein,” because a fix feels like care.
Both slides cost something.
- A diagnosis word narrows what others see. Once “depression” is on the page, the next reader, whether a clinician, a sibling, or an AI assistant, may start from that frame. The original observation, which might fit several explanations, gets lost.
- A coaching word changes the relationship. Notes that read like instructions can feel like surveillance to the person being described. If they ever read the notebook, they find a plan for themselves that they never agreed to.
- Both make the record less useful. A clinician can work with “ate about half of dinner on 5 of the last 7 nights.” They have less to work with in “poor appetite, probably mood-related,” because they cannot tell what you actually saw.
The basic shape of an observation line
An observation line answers three plain questions: what did you see or hear, when, and what followed. That shape is close to the record idea behind Life Node, described in Why a Life Node record has only three fields. The reasoning here is narrower. These are your own household notes, and the goal is only that they stay honest and checkable.
Some habits keep a line on the observation side:
- Use verbs you could film. Said, walked, slept, skipped, repeated, asked, cried, laughed, fell. If a camera could not record it, it is probably an interpretation.
- Put a time on it. Clock time if you have it, day if not. “Evening” is fine. “Lately” is not.
- Count instead of rating. “Asked the same question four times in an hour” instead of “very confused.”
- Quote, don’t paraphrase. If someone said something that mattered, write their words. “I don’t know where I am” carries more than “disoriented.”
- Write what followed, even if it was nothing. “Sat down, calmer within 10 minutes” or “No change by bedtime.”
- Record your own part plainly. “I reminded her twice” is an observation about the day. It belongs in the line.
- Leave questions as questions. If you wonder whether something is a sign of a condition, write “Question for the clinician: could X be related to Y?” in a separate section. Do not write it into the observation.
What about self-observation?
The same rules apply when the person you are observing is you. Self-notes slide quickly into self-diagnosis (“my ADHD is worse this week”) or self-coaching (“must stop scrolling”). Try “Started three tasks before 10:00, finished none; phone screen time 4 h 10 min” instead. It is kinder, and it is more useful if you later bring it to a visit or an AI conversation. For how to package those notes before a visit, see Bring-this sheet: a pre-visit / pre-AI clue checklist.
If you are observing someone with Alzheimer’s while also living with ADHD yourself, When Alzheimer’s care and ADHD share one household day covers how notes fit that household day. If both conditions are your own, When Alzheimer’s and ADHD live in the same body: prep before you speak covers recording before you have to speak.
Medicines and treatments in your notes
Observation lines about medicines record what was taken and when, as already prescribed, and anything you noticed afterward. They do not suggest changes. “Evening tablet taken 21:10; complained of dizziness at 22:00” is an observation to pass to the prescriber or pharmacist. “Should skip the evening tablet” is a treatment decision. That decision is not yours or a notebook’s to make. Life Node draws the same line for itself; see Does Life Node give medical advice?.
Takeaway: observation vs diagnosis vs coaching
Use this table as a check when you reread a note. If a line sits in the middle or right column, rewrite it into the left column, or move it to your questions list.
| Observation (keep) | Diagnosis (rewrite or move to questions) | Coaching (rewrite or drop) |
|---|---|---|
| Asked “what day is it?” 4 times between 15:00 and 17:00. | Her dementia is getting worse. | She needs a whiteboard with the date. |
| Slept 23:40–03:10, then awake until 05:30. | He has insomnia. | He should cut screens after 21:00. |
| Ate about half of dinner, 5 of the last 7 nights. | Appetite loss from depression. | Needs more protein at dinner. |
| Said “I can’t do this anymore” after the school call, 16:20. | Burnout. | Should take a day off. |
| Started 3 tasks before 10:00, finished none. | My ADHD is flaring. | Must use a timer. |
| Evening tablet taken 21:10; said “dizzy” at 22:00. | Side effect of the tablet. | Should skip the evening dose. |
| Walked to the corner shop and back, 20 min, no rest stops. | Recovery is going well. | Should walk twice a day now. |
Copy-paste line template:
[date, time] — Saw/heard: ______________________ (verbs you could film; quotes in "")
— Count / duration: ________________
— What followed: ___________________ (or "no change by ___")
— My part (if any): ________________
Questions for the clinician (separate list): ______
This page is general guidance on keeping notes. It is not medical advice and not a method for assessing anyone. Diagnosis and treatment belong with qualified clinicians.